I just got back from the Ohio Star Ball – probably the biggest ballroom dance competition in America. I got back on sunday and I am still shell shocked from the experience. First of all it takes place in the most enormous convention center – I was so sucked into it that I was there a whole seven days and did not step outside once. It is like a whole alternate reality mainly featuring very thin eastern europeans with strangely coloured, geometric haircuts. I guess everyone wants to grab your attention on the dancefloor – so they ask for crazy haircuts at malls accross America – and even when they have long given up dancing – they still hunger for whackadoodle haircuts. People wear a lot of animal print in their downtime too.
I spent most of my time spray tanning in a tiny tent. Some of my relatives were mining engineers back in Wales – and something about my experience of spray tanning in this tiny tent – in a yucky smoking suite – made me feel a strong bond with my fore fathers. I spray tanned, and spray tanned and spray tanned. You cannot put too much spray tan on a ballroom dancer.
A few times the security guard came to my room at night to complain about the racket I was making. I hastily shoved the girls who were drying their boobs with a hairdryer into the bathroom, kicked the guys and the spray tan tent into my closet, and answered the door with a sweet smile. “I am so sorry sir….I was just self tanning my legs for the dance competition….it won’t happen again”
The security guard looked at me like a strange oddity
“but what were you running in there”…..it did sound like I was riding around my smoking suite on a lawn mower……
And then in my down time I helped out some friends who make ballroom costumes. Squeezing abundant flesh into small amounts of lycra. “Oh yes…it’s supposed to be nice and snug”. It was a crazy experience. I swear you could write a whole movie just about all the different vendors at that competition. The conversations I heard cannot be repeated in this family blog.
But the dancing was fabulous….and I feel quite sure I will be back for more next year.